The Do’s and Don’ts of Phone Sex

Published on Author GG RayLeave a comment

phone-sex

So your girlfriend has announced that she’ll soon be heading off on a two-week business trip, and all you can think about is 14 days without sex. But rather than think of her absence as a time for quiet reflections and lonely nights with the Playboy channel, why not use the distance as a chance to experience a new kind of sexual relationship?

There’s no reason that distance should affect the sexual side of your relationship – at least, not when you’re both near a phone line. Phone sex can be a exciting and discreet way to find out your partner’s most private turn-on.

But before you start forking over your hard-earned dollars for prepaid phone cards, there are a few general rules of conduct to make sure your long-distance relationship stays steamy, as well as some phone sex no-nos that can turn a sensual seduction into a whole lot of dead air.

What follows are some do’s and don’ts for ideal phone sex. Whether you’re a beginning or a seasoned wireless pro, these suggestions should help banish that nervous stutter and let your lips work some sensual long-distance magic.

DO discuss it beforehand

While discussing phone sex before actually doing it is about as sexy as discussing birth control or STDs, it can be an important step to ensure that both of you have a good time and neither are awkward with the experience. Laying down some ground rules might seem like a chore, but it will really give you far more freedom when the task is at hand (no pun intended).

While it’s all well and good for phone sex to happen spontaneously, it’s best if your partner is aware that you’re interested in the idea, especially if she hasn’t been very experimental in the past. This isn’t to say that she’ll nix the whole thing, but it might make her feel better to know how you feel about it and why you want to give it a try. If she knows that the idea of having phone sex while fantasizing about her is arousing for you, she’ll likely feel more confident about herself and her sex appeal.

It’s also a smart idea to find out whether role-playing is something either of you will want to pursue over the telephone, and whether rough language will turn her on or turn her off. Again, this might depend on how kinky you’ve been during your in-person sexual encounters. Finding out ahead of time will save some potentially awkward moments over the telephone.

DO have ideas

Phone sex isn’t like a lazy Friday night at home. “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” isn’t the sort of question to ask someone in the heat of the moment. While it’s perfectly okay to let her direct your interaction, she shouldn’t feel obliged to make decisions and steer you along.

Before you call, or at least before you reach the part of your call where things begin to heat up, start to think of what you’d like to imagine during your discussion. This can be a good starting point, especially if a role-playing fantasy isn’t up your alley. Try starting a conversation by telling her how much you wish she were with you, and just what you’d do if she were. Places you’d like to touch, what you’d like her to be wearing (if anything), these are all open subjects.

DON’T be silent

Silence may be golden, but not on the telephone, and definitely not when your foreplay consists of sexy conversation. Any sexual encounter needs a little warming up, and phone sex is no different. If you aren’t speaking, that leaves an awful lot of work for her to do to engage you. And when sex becomes work, then you’re both in trouble.

Remember, it takes two active participants (at the very minimum!) to engage in phone sex. A one-sided conversation isn’t fun for anyone, and probably won’t be very stimulating. This isn’t to say that you have to be talking every second of every minute, but you do need to take part in the conversation, just as you would in any sexual situation. While she may like being in charge and directing the encounter, expecting her to do all the work will almost certainly backfire. Even the most domineering partner needs a responsive lover who is willing to give as well as take.

DON’T use clinical terms

Yes, words like penis and vagina are scientifically accurate, but they’re rarely sexy. This isn’t your seventh grade sex education class, and you don’t need to worry about offending your teacher with bad language. In fact, phone sex is all about your language, and using the kind of terms you’d find in a textbook is about as appealing to her as a visit to the gynecologist.

There’s another plus to talking dirty – deciding on what words work and what words don’t can be a turn-on in itself. But do talk about it. While some naughtier words may be arousing to one woman, they may be offensive to another. Likewise, some women may prefer a term like “lovemaking” to some of the more vulgar alternatives. This is the sort of thing to find out before making an unintentional blunder.

DON’T treat it as a joke

Imagine how you’d feel if you undressed in front of someone and she burst out laughing. Not so excited now, are we? Laughing at someone during phone sex can be just as embarrassing and insulting to them. If you really don’t think you’ll be comfortable enough with the idea to continue with a straight face, it’s important that you acknowledge this to her before you begin. Telling someone your favorite sexual position and being met with giggles isn’t very erotic.

This isn’t to say that you won’t feel the urge to laugh sometimes – just make sure the two of you are on the same page. It’s okay to find certain words funny when spoken aloud, and a little nervous laughter isn’t a bad thing. What she needs to know is that you aren’t laughing at her or her efforts. As long as you speak openly and freely about what’s working and what isn’t, the lines of communication will stay open – at least until you get the phone bill.

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