As a single person playing the dating game, it is bizarre and somewhat frustrating to find that we all seem to be doing the same dance over and over. Unfortunately men and women seem to have gotten different handbooks for the steps. If you are also in the dating market and dealing with single women* on a regular basis, here are a few things that you may not know, though we wish you would.
*Please note that I refer here to the single woman as defined thusly: a woman who is single, and happy to be so until someone really different comes along to change her mind. I am not pretending to speak for those unicorn and stuffed bear-collecting girls who finger the wedding gown pictures stored carefully in their hope chest on lonely Friday nights, waiting for Mr Right (or even just Mr Happened-to Come-Along) to come and impregnate them before their eggs dry up.
We’re Not Looking For Mr. Perfect
Once you have been through a few relationships and been on the dating scene for a while, most women realize that looking for the perfect man is an exercise in futility. Not that there aren’t a few guys out there who are good for us. The best we hope for is to meet someone cool who we can clean themselves up for a night on the town and won’t embarrass us in front of our friends. It would be nice if they were funny and thoughtful as well, but we’re probably willing to settle for three out of four if he is good in the sack (and between zero and two out of four if he is great in the sack).
We Don’t All Want To Be In Relationships
While the spinster stereotype is difficult to shake, most single women of any age would take that over the “desperate to trap a man” brush that so many get painted with. Many of us don’t want to trap a man. We don’t even want to play catch and release with most of them. Many single women like being single and playing the field just as much as single dudes. We, too, fantasize not just about having George Clooney, but about having his low-pressure bachelor lifestyle. When you have great friends and a full life, unless you find a guy who actually compliments what you already have going on, why would you trade that for something less fun than being single? While many of you men figured that little equation out long ago, we women are just starting to catch up on that logic.
We Aren’t So Lonely That We’ll Sleep With Other Girls’ Boys
Once a lady reaches an age where me or many of the other people her age are married or in serious, long term relationships, a strange phenomenon begins to happen. Suddenly, married guys think that not only is she ripe to be groped, they think that she is actually lonely enough to have sex with them. Suddenly, you have married guy friends spitting their drooling confessions of attraction in your ear, not only thinking that that is acceptable behaviour, but thinking you will be flattered. This just in: its not, and we aren’t. When a married guy gropes me, I get pissed, because he’s disrespecting me by assuming that it’s okay, and that just because I’m single, I’ll take what I can get, but also because he’s disrespecting one of my sisters. Just because I don’t know your wife, and even if I don’t like her, doesn’t make me want to have anything to do with you. In fact, it makes me thankful that I can go home—with whomever I like—and not have to worry about whose can my wayward “other half” is trying to grab.
And for all you single dudes out there who have one of those grabby, nostalgic-for-the-single-life married dudes in your group, his behavior reflects badly on all of you. So if you want single ladies to hang out with you and your friends, reel him in, or better yet, send him home. (P.S. Now you know why she never lets him out.)
We Respect Honesty Above All Else
I’m not saying we always like what “honesty” has to say, but we always appreciate it when you bring him to the table. If you are honest with a single girl, about your level of interest, about your love ‘em and leave ‘em lifestyle, or about anything that might affect her, she appreciates it. And she respects it. Sure, she may still feel stung and even disappointed, but the fact that you are man enough to be honest really sets you head and shoulders above many of your compadres.
Under this heading of honesty, can I just request, for all womankind, that you figure out amongst yourselves a better blow off line than “I’ll call you”? Because that’s the most seemingly innocuous, yet most reviled little white lie that men tell. May I suggest, “That was a nice night. Thanks a lot.” Cheek kiss, and exit. It brings tear of joy to my eye just thinking about it.
Sometimes, We Don’t Want You To Stay Til Morning
As women become more independent, they are also exploring their sexual selves outside of relationships more frequently. This is just a girly way of saying we’re taking it where we can get it too. I know that women are more emotionally attached to the sex act than men are, but that doesn’t mean that we necessarily want you, our one-night stand, to stay until morning. Sure it’s nice to cuddle for a while after sex, but you know what is even better than that? Being able to stretch out in your bed and not have to wake up beside a stinky boy with whom you have to make awkward conversation, and heaven forbid, make coffee for like he’s some sort of house guest. This is not a hard and fast rule. If you were really good, you may have a slim chance of morning sex. But to be honest, chances are we’ll be hung over and feeling very unattractive and slightly sheepish, depending on our previous night’s performance. If you feel like leaving, and she doesn’t ask you to stay, or cuddle up to you, feel free to make your way to your own bed, where you too can hog the blankets and fart all you want.
We Tell Our Girlfriends Everything
Seriously. Everything. This isn’t so prevalent with girls who are in long term relationships (although they come out with some doozies when you’re least expecting it!), because they don’t want their friends to think their man is a pervert or a jerk. Single girl talk, however, is graphic, and likely to begin the second you leave us. We like to dish while everything is still fresh in our minds, the good as well as the bad. And single girl word of mouth travels. So hone your skills!